


Home

by aveyune23



Series: Out of the Wilderness [1]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Eventual Romance, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, If you need to smile this is it, Seriously it’s pure fluff, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Survivor Guilt, THEY DESERVE IT
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2018-01-08
Packaged: 2019-02-27 04:16:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13240239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aveyune23/pseuds/aveyune23
Summary: ”Oh it’s a long time coming, spent your whole life running. Home at last.”She’s run her whole life. That’s what she was good at. But for the first time in Jyn Erso’s life, she has found a place in the universe that she doesn’t want to run from.(Or, five times the Alliance felt like home.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> While not included on either Cassian or Jyn’s official Spotify playlists, the song “Angela” by the Lumineers has always stuck out to me as a song that illustrates Jyn’s relationship with the Rebellion, and especially her relationship with Cassian, incredibly well. After listening to this song a million times a day, this is the result. Please enjoy.

I.

When she woke, she ran.

She didn’t get far, mind you. The doctors stopped her before she made it out of the MedBay, IVs and monitor cords trailing behind her. She didn’t struggle when they caught her, didn’t have the energy to, but she heard herself slurring out questions made of half-words. They had given her a sedative, they told her in that calm medical-professional voice, to help with the pain. Her head was full of fog. Names appeared and vanished. She reached out to grasp at them, but they slipped through her fingers. They laid her back in bed, shot her up with something that made the edges of her vision blacken.

”You’re okay,” she heard from a far-off place on the outside of the blackness. “You’re safe.”

She didn’t believe them, but the dark took her before she could say so.

 

* * *

The next time she woke, the names the fog had taken from her were solid in her hands. She clung to them, felt their weight, then tried them on her tongue. They were heavy and felt too big for her mouth, but she got them out.

Something began beeping next to her. It was loud, and it echoed in the empty spaces in her head. She willed it to stop, and was surprised when it did. But it was followed by a voice, mechanical, that was asking her a question. It took her a moment to sort out the words.

”Can you tell me your name?”

She opened her eyes, squinting against the bright sterile whiteness that surrounded her. Her name? She knew the answer, or at least she thought she did. What was it? She sifted through the names she held in her hands, the ones she rescued from the fog. One of them had to be hers.

”Jyn,” she said, grasping hold of one from her pile. “Jyn Erso.”

”And do you know where you are, Jyn?”

The light dimmed and her position in the universe came into focus in one sharp snap of perspective. She jolted into consciousness, sitting up too fast. The world spun around her. Hands pressed her back onto the bed.

”Easy,” said another voice, this one human. The hands were soft and careful.

”Where—? What—?” She felt panic rise up her throat, hot and sharp. The names from the fog began to tumble, and she snatched them up, spitting them out into the air before they were lost.

”Where are they—?”

It took too long for the voice to respond. Her hands shot out to grip the sleeve of the doctor hovering over her.

”Where are they?” she demanded. The face of the doctor finally came into focus. The eyes were sad.

”The operatives that survived are down the hall.”

”Who?” Her grip on the doctor’s sleeve tightened. “Tell me who—“

”The pilot,” said the doctor. “The defector.”

A name in her hand.  _Bodhi._

”Who else?” The light was too bright. Her head ached. Images flashed across her vision, bursting like bubbles before she could really see them. She didn’t  _want_ to see them.

”Cassian. Where’s Cassian?”

”He’s alive,” the doctor said, and all of the breath went out of her.

”Can I see him?” His name felt like a lifeline. She clung to it, like she had clung to him on the beach.

”Not yet. But he’s doing well.” But the voice wavered at the end, and her heart sank.

”I need to see him.”

”You can soon. For now you need to rest.”

And something sharp stung her arm, and she was submerged in darkness once more.

* * *

 

It was a familiar voice that woke her the third time.

She opened her eyes, and the light didn’t seem so bright, and the room wasn’t so blurry. It wasn’t the white room. She was somewhere else. There were other beds, most of them empty, except the one next to hers. The voice had come from this bed, and she met the wide eyes of Bodhi Rook, who was staring anxiously back.

The right side of his face was covered in gauze and bacta patches. His hair was gone, badly buzzed away to treat the burns on his scalp. He was propped up in his bed, and his body seemed lopsided somehow, as though his left side were heavier than his right. And then he turned toward her, and she saw why.

His right arm was gone.

She felt bile rise in her throat, but nothing came out except for a choked sound that may have been a sob.

He didn’t say anything. He had seen where she was looking. He shrugged his left shoulder, a motion so simple and yet somehow managed to encompass so much.

_It is what it is._

She felt tears pool in her eyes. She’d seen him, lying under an emergency blanket on the ship that had gotten them away. But she hadn’t registered it. She had only been focused on one thing — one person, who was dying in her arms.

They had died. Hadn’t they?

But no. She was here. And Bodhi was here. But the others...

”Chirrut,” she croaked. “Baze.”

Bodhi’s gaze dropped. Her gut dropped with it.

”Cassian...?”

”He’s okay,” Bodhi said. “He was in surgery, and then a bacta tank. Four days. Five, maybe.” His voice faltered, brows drawn together. “They said I was in for four.”

Her thoughts were disjointed, skipping around, unable to focus and moving slow at the same time.

”What happened?” she managed.

He looked down at where his arm was meant to be. “I got the transmission through. A trooper threw a grenade. I—“ He swallowed. “A Rebel ship, it made it to the surface. It picked me up. That’s all I remember. I woke up here yesterday.” He looked over at her. “They brought you in this morning. How are you—?”

It occurred to her for the first time that she hadn’t thought to take stock. She still had all of her limbs, she thought grimly, but her knees and ankles were stiff with bandages. She didn’t have to look to know that she had burns down her side, the side that had faced the blast from the —

“The weapon. The Death Star. The plans—“

He shrugged. “No one will tell me anything.”

Her head fell back to the pillow, eyes closed against the news. Her body burned and her mind reeled. She wanted to reach out to Bodhi, to touch his hand, but his bed was too far, and her legs wouldn’t hold her.

”I’m sorry,” she said, not knowing what else to say. Bodhi didn’t respond. A doctor came in, and put something in their IVs, and they said no more.

 

* * *

She woke on her own.

The first thing she noticed was the lack of needles in her skin. Her arms moved unrestricted. Her legs were still bandaged, but no longer as stiff. She opened her eyes, immediately looked to her right. Bodhi was there, and awake, but he wasn’t looking at her. He spared her a brief glance, then looked back over her shoulder. She turned her head, and her heart leapt to her throat when she met the brown eyes watching her from the other bed.

He looked like hell, but he was smiling at her, and even though she knew he was sedated and that she was probably just a blur in his line of vision, his smile lit a tiny flame in her chest, and she smiled back.

”Hi,” she breathed, feeling overwhelmed with relief at seeing him alive. Tears stung her eyes, and she wiped them away, mildly annoyed that apparently she cried now. He mouthed “hello” back, then closed his eyes. She looked back at Bodhi, her bottom lip between her teeth to keep herself from sobbing. His mouth quirked up at the corners. Her eyes went back to Cassian, and she let the tears go.

 

* * *

They came the next day with medals. Members of the Council, and a young girl in a white dress, flanked by a boy with sandy blond hair and a rough looking man that looked like he’d rather be anywhere else. Bodhi and Jyn and Cassian were still in the hospital beds, and it was awkward to receive medals for valor while covered in bacta patches and hooked up to monitors. Senator Mon Mothma told them that the blond boy had destroyed the Death Star with her father’s trap, that their sacrifices on Scarif had led to this momentous event. They were considered heroes of the Rebellion.

They didn’t stay long. The doctors shooed them away, insisting the patients needed their rest. The medals sat heavy on the burns on their chests. Jyn held hers in her bandaged hands, turning it over and over, her thoughts twisting and turning with it.

”For Rogue One,” she said, then let it fall to the floor. She pushed the sheet off her legs, swung them over the edge of the bed and stood on shaky feet. Thankfully it was only three steps to Cassian’s bed. She sat on the edge, took his hand, bit her lip so that she didn’t cry again. Bodhi appeared on the other side of the bed and sat, taking Cassian’s other hand, and they both held on for dear life.

”For Rogue One,” they both murmured.

* * *

 

When the doctor came in the next morning, she found the three beds pushed together, the patients’ hands intertwined and their heart rate monitors beeping in sync. Their medals were on the floor.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please bear with me as this non-Star Wars fluent writer attempts to follow a mildly canon-compliant timeline. Thank goodness for Wookiepedia? Please enjoy.

II.

Her hands itched. 

It was partially because they were covered in half-healed burns and cuts. But mostly it was because for the first time in a long time, she wasn’t  _running_ anywhere, and it made her anxious.

She hadn’t seen much of Bodhi or Cassian since she had been discharged from the MedBay. There was no way to. The entire Base was in a rush to evacuate Yavin IV. She wasn’t entirely sure where they were, but she thought about them all the same.

Her face flushed when she thought about the last time she had seen Cassian, the day she had been discharged. He had still been in the hospital bed, the doctor explaining to him that they had replaced five thoracic vertebrae and that it would take a minimum of two months before he could walk on his own, and the entire time he had been watching her over the doctor’s shoulder, eyes dark and depthless. He had stared right into her, seeming not to hear that it would be  _two months_ before he could walk again, and she had felt like she was the only person with him in the room. And then the doctor had ushered her away, and she didn’t really need to make excuses to avoid seeing him, seeing as the entire Rebellion was in the process of picking up and leaving. Anything, though, to keep her from having to decipher what that look had meant.

She found herself adrift, a hero that was no longer needed. No one bothered her or asked much of her. Everyone around her was caught up in preparations for evacuation. They just sort of left her alone.

At first she was perfectly fine with that. She had a lot to think about, a lot that she needed to process. That she was alive, for one thing. That was probably the most difficult. She had gone to Scarif knowing full well that she might not come back. When she and Cassian were standing on that beach, she had been ready.  _Your father would have been proud,_ he’d said, and she had been content to die with that feeling warm in her heart.

Currently, with a well-developed survivors instinct, she was glad that she was alive. Who wouldn’t be? But she was alive when others weren’t, and that hurt. Hurt worse than her healing burns or busted knees. Chirrut and Baze. Melshi. The other soldiers of Rogue One. They hadn’t made it off Scarif, and she had, and it didn’t feel fair.

That was ridiculous, of course. War wasn’t fair. People died all the time. She had known plenty of soldiers that had died in the line of duty. It just hadn’t affected her like this before.

She tried not to let it keep her up at night.

In the rush of evacuation, and the eventual getaway, she had been assigned a bunk in the barracks aboard the cruiser. She had been given a rank. Apparently they wanted to keep her.

”You’re Jyn Erso, aren’t you?” the girl in the next bunk had asked when she had been shown to her bed. Jyn had nodded, but said nothing. Other soldiers shifted closer, watching, whispering her name to friends until it seemed like the whole room was looking at her.

”What you did,” said the girl. “You— thank you.”

Heads nodded around her, and Jyn heard the words repeated through the room. A few stepped forward and touched her shoulder. She felt her throat close up with emotion.

”I—“

”I’m Kara,” said the girl, pushing blond hair out of her eyes. “Are you coming to dinner?”

Jyn stared at her feet, then shook her head.

”I’m not really hungry.”

The girl nodded. “Alright. See you later, then.” And she left with the others when the mess bell rang.

Jyn didn’t spend much time in the barracks. She preferred to wander around the cruiser, hiding out in hangars or supply rooms. She didn’t have much to do, but it felt good to roam. She skipped meals a lot. She never felt hungry enough to bother. But every night when she returned to her bunk, there was a small roll of bread and a protein bar sitting on her pillow, and she knew where it had come from. She would eat it quietly, and feign sleep when everyone came back before lights out. They would all talk and joke and laugh before climbing into their bunks. It made Jyn’s heart hurt.

She missed Bodhi. She missed Cassian.

So one night, when everyone came in, she was sitting on her bed, holding the roll that had been left for her, and the girl Kara had smiled at her, and Jyn smiled back.

”Thank you for the food,” she said.

Kara shrugged. “You’re welcome.”

Jyn turned the roll over in her hands. “I’m not very good at... making friends.” She felt stupid, but Kara just smiled at her.

”It’s okay. None of us were. That’s what happens when the Empire ruins your childhood.” She tapped her head, grinning. “Psychologists dream, the lot of us.”

A few of the others around them laughed. Jyn felt her lips twitch. Kara sat on her bunk and began pulling off her boots.

”Have you been cleared for duty yet?” she asked, nodding at the stiff angle Jyn was holding her leg.

”Not yet. I don’t think—“ She shrugged. “I don’t think they know what to do with me.”

A Twi’lek woman in the bunk opposite hers laughed at that. “You’re not the only one.”

Jyn looked to Kara for clarification.

”She means with all of the new recruits. Command is running out of places to put them.” She leaned back on her hands. “Rumor has it we’ll be at a new base soon. They’ll have plenty to do then.”

Jyn nodded and took a bite of her roll. The Empire was probably hot on their heels. She wondered where they were going.

”The best thing you can do is get back into fighting shape. Combat training sessions are after breakfast. You should go.”

”Lights out!”

There was a general grumbling of acquiescence and everyone climbed into their beds. Jyn laid her head on her pillow, wondering at the kindness of the soldiers around her. No one had ever been kind to her before, not without an ulterior motive. It was strange. She thought about how her mother might feel, to know that she was making friends. She’d never had friends before. She made a list of them in her head.

_Kara,_ it began. 

_Bodhi._ She needed to go see him.

_Cassian._ Her heart skipped a beat. She needed to see him, too.

Tomorrow. She would go to a training session. Start working out her stiff leg. She would eat breakfast with Kara, and then she would go to the MedBay and find Bodhi and Cassian. She had put it off for too long. She thought they would be glad that she was making friends. The thought of them made her heart ache.

Tomorrow.

And she fell asleep feeling safe, surrounded by people who actually sort of cared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to show Jyn experiencing what it would be like to let others in in a safe environment, and not just because it was a life-or-death situation. It’s fun to explore this sort of character development. Thank you for reading, and I’ll see you in the next chapter! Don’t worry, I promise that that one will be full of Bodhi and Cassian. Also snow. Lots of snow.


	3. Chapter 3

III.

It was bloody  _cold._

They’d been on Hoth for a week. A  _week,_ and she was already sick of it. You couldn’t go outside — you’d freeze to death. So you were stuck inside Echo Base, with all of the other miserably cold people.

The only person that wasn’t miserable was Cassian. His face had lit up at the mention of snow. His physical therapy had progressed faster than the doctors had hoped. After only a month he was able to walk with the use of a cane, and when they landed on this Force-forsaken planet, he had grinned like a child, and Jyn couldn’t help but grin too, if only because he was happy.

She had made sure that she had been there for him during his therapy. She had helped him stand and walk when he had first started trying. He had been restricted to a bed on the Alliance cruiser, before they had made it to Hoth. She and Bodhi would sit with him and talk about what was happening outside of his room. Jyn had thought that he would be anxious to get back to work, that he would be chomping at the bit. But oddly enough, he seemed content to be “off duty,” as he put it.

”I’ve put twenty years into this war,” he said one day while he was playing sabacc with Bodhi. “I think I deserve a vacation.”

She wanted to tell him that they could have picked a better location than Hoth, but she didn’t push it.

She helped Bodhi, too, with his new arm. It wasn’t top of the line, but he could hold a wrench and work on electrical panels, which was enough for him. Deck officers caught wind that he had a knack for solving mechanical problems, and they scooped him up for repair duty as soon as he had medical clearance. She asked him one morning at breakfast if it made him happy, and he had nodded enthusiastically.

”It does, Jyn,” he had told her, eyes bright. “I feel like I’m useful.”

She envied him that feeling. So far she didn’t have much use. She pitched in where she could, moving supplies around base, offering Bodhi the occasional repair help. But she never really felt needed.

Her bunkmate Kara offered to bring her on a supply run, just to get her off base, but she declined. She didn’t want to leave Cassian or Bodhi.

She felt protective of them. It was her fault that they had been injured — they had followed her on her crazy mission. It was her fault that they had almost been killed. Now that they were alive, and relatively safe, Jyn felt that it was her responsibility to keep them that way. So she ate meals with Bodhi every day, and visited Cassian in his quarters until he was well enough to move on his own and could eat with them, too.

She hadn’t thought about running once.

 

* * *

The first thing Cassian wanted to do when he was deemed fit to walk on his own was go outside.

Jyn told him no.

”It’s too cold. You’ll freeze to death.”

He gave her a look, one that seemed too much like a look a child would give his mother.

”Jyn. I was  _born_ in this weather.” His tone was patient. Who was mothering whom?

”Well you can’t go by yourself, and  _I_ don’t want to freeze.”

He smirked and shook his head. “I’m cleared to do whatever I want. You don’t have to come with me.”

”Cassian,” she said, frustration seeping into her voice.

”Jyn,” he replied, feigning the same sternness. She glared at him, and he laughed at her.

”Have you ever even seen snow?” he asked her.

”Yes, when we got here. I don’t like it.”

He laughed again and pulled on his blue parka, the one that she liked so much. She tried not to think about how handsome he looked.

”Come on, Jyn,” he pleaded. “Don’t make me go by myself. What if I fall?”

She was rapidly beginning to dislike off-duty Cassian. She much rather preferred dark, brooding spy Cassian. He didn’t do stupid shit like going out into subzero temperatures while walking with a cane...

”No,” she insisted, and he threw up his hands.

”Fine. You stay. But I haven’t seen snow in twenty years so I’m going, with or without you.”

Well. Dammit if  _that_ didn’t win the argument.

She yanked on her coat — and her hat and gloves and scarf — and followed him out the door.

* * *

 

She edited her opinion of Hoth upon stepping out of the base. It wasn’t bloody cold.

It was downright  _fucking_ cold.

The sentry at the door had given them an odd look as they walked up, and had stared at Cassian like he was insane when he’d asked to go outside. But Cassian had flashed him a winning smile, the one he used when trying to coerce informants into giving him what he wanted, and the sentry had opened the door. A blast of frigid air burst through and almost knocked them over.

Cassian had looked thrilled.

He’d pulled his hood up and stepped out into the whiteness, his face split in a wide grin. Jyn had glared at his back and pulled her scarf up over her nose and followed him.

The wind cut through her coat and chilled her immediately. It was night, but the moons were full and their light reflected off the frozen ground, blinding her for a moment. She squinted, trying to get her eyes to adjust. Cassian had stepped out ahead of her, looking for all the world like he was anywhere other than a frozen wasteland, and as she shivered she cursed him. He must be hot-blooded, she thought, to be standing there in just a parka.

She found herself wondering just how warm he was under it.

He turned, looking for her, and when he saw her he grinned. She scowled at him and shoved her gloved hands further into her armpits.

”What?” she grumbled.

”It’s not  _that_ cold,” he said, leaning on his cane. She stepped closer, and he leaned on her instead, his arm going around her shoulders.

”It is, too.” But she moved closer still.

As her eyes adjusted, she did have to admit that the mountains did look rather beautiful in the moonlight, all stark and glowing. The sky seemed almost too big, full to the brim with stars. She hadn’t seen a sky like that in... well, ever. She turned to tell him so, and found that he was looking at her. Her cheeks flushed.

”What?”

His brows drew together for a moment, and then his features relaxed into a shy smile.

”Do you like it?” he asked, and she felt her heart speed up.

”I—“

She couldn’t really call his arm around her an embrace, but she pressed herself against his side, and put a tentative hand on his chest. It did turn into an embrace then. He tightened his arm, and she had to duck her head to hide her blush. If she needed to, she could blame her red cheeks on the biting cold.

”It’s beautiful,” she said. She felt the warmth of his breath against her skin as he sighed.

”It’s not quite like—“ He hesitated, shifting his stance before going on. “It’s not quite like Fest. The snow is the same, but this is... cleaner.”

She didn’t ask what he meant, just leaned against him, trying to absorb his heat.

They stood there for a while, watching the sky, until her shivering broke them apart.

”Come on,” he said, moving away. “Let’s get back inside.”

She mourned the loss of his warmth, but was glad when he leaned on her again instead of his cane. They began walking back towards the door, but Cassian stopped just short of it, and turned to her, and pressed a kiss to her forehead. His lips were cold. She gasped, and looked up at him. He gave her a small smile.

”Thank you,” she said between chattering teeth. “For showing me the snow.”

He took her hand, and squeezed it, and they returned inside. The sudden warmth was welcome, but it wasn’t as warm as the tiny flame that was burning in her chest, lit by the feel of her hand in his.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _”Did you hear the notes, all those static codes in the radio abyss?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finished an angsty chapter of “24 Frames,” rewarded myself with this extra fluffy new chapter of “Home.” 
> 
> Please enjoy.

IV.

 

Jyn was cleared for duty two weeks later.

Her leg was no longer stiff. She had been going to training sessions every morning to get herself back in fighting shape. Her burns were no longer itchy scabs — after numerous bacta treatments her right side was now a patchwork quilt of shiny pink skin. She felt good, healthy. She had a regular, well rounded diet for the first time in years. She was getting sleep — well,  _some_ sleep. A decent amount. As much as the nightmares would allow her. They had become less frequent, but every now and then one would leave her shaking and sweating in her bunk. She never cried out — or, at least if she did, no one in the barracks said anything.

So she felt good when they called her up for active duty. She was ready. Excited, even. She was finally going to be useful.  _Needed._

She didn’t even care that her first mission was a simple supply run.  _Anything_ was better than stewing in the icebox that was Echo Base.

She would be working with Kara on this mission. Jyn was glad for that. Kara had become a close friend in the time aboard the escape cruiser and then on Hoth. What Jyn liked most about her was that she didn’t ask a lot of questions. They talked about the present, and about the future. They spoke very little about the past. Jyn’s past, anyway. Kara had been open about her own story, but had not pushed Jyn to tell hers.

”You can talk when you’re ready,” she had told her one day at midday meal. “I imagine you’ve been interrogated enough.”

”Thank you,” Jyn had said, grateful for it. Maybe one day she would be willing to talk about it.

Trust was still new to her, and she was still reluctant to give it away.

There were two people on base, though, that had all of hers.

Bodhi had made a bit of a name for himself as a top-notch mechanic. Everyone knew who he was because of what he’d done — he was the Imperial defector, the spark that had brought on the destruction of the Death Star. But by the time that fame had run its course, he had already impressed the pilots with his ability to modify their fighters to go faster, maneuver better. They told him his skills had been wasted as a cargo ship pilot. But they did ask if he wanted to learn how to pilot one of the fighters. He had declined. Jyn asked him why.

”I’d much rather stay behind the lines now,” he said, his eyes dark.  _I’ve lost enough already,_ those eyes said, and Jyn had put her arm around him and kissed his cheek. 

He had been excited to hear that she had been assigned to her first mission. She and Kara would be piloting a no-nonsense cargo shuttle, but Bodhi had insisted on tweaking the engine a bit.

”In case you need to make a quick getaway,” he said. A sad silence had passed between them.

”I’ll be fine,” she told him. “We’re not going anywhere near Imperial territory.”

But she had hugged him all the same.

Jyn had slightly more trepidation when she told Cassian.

They had begun a shy and awkward dance after their trip into the snow. She still saw him everyday, but they spoke less. The words were replaced by glances that lingered, brushes of the hand that were played off as accidental. Every time he looked at her her heart sped up. Sometimes it made her feel like a child. He was just looking at her. It didn’t mean anything. But then she would think back to their night in the snow, and how he had pressed his cold lips to her forehead, and her heart would resume its quickened pace.

She realized that she was nervous to tell him about her mission because she didn’t want to admit to herself that she would miss him.

She would miss Bodhi, too, of course. But he was her friend. Cassian... Cassian felt like something more than that. She just didn’t know if he felt the same way, didn’t know if he felt that same magnetic pull.

His reaction to her leaving was as ambiguous as she expected it to be.

”That’s great,” he had said, but his voice was flat. She had shifted from foot to foot, uneasy, unsure of what else to say. He was looking at the ground, like he was afraid to meet her eyes.

”I leave tomorrow,” she told him. He nodded, still not looking up.

”Will you see me off?” she asked, desperate for him to look at her. He finally did.

”Of course.”

She smiled, and his lips turned up too. An awkward silence passed, and she shrugged one shoulder.

”I leave at 0800,” she said as she turned to leave. “Hangar 2.”

”I’ll be there.”

She nodded, heart pounding, and walked away.

* * *

 

She was helping Kara load up their bags onto the ship when Bodhi came to wish her luck and a safe journey. He had hugged her tight, and she was glad that he had come, but her eyes had still been scanning the hangar over his shoulder.

Bodhi saw her looking.

”I haven’t seen him,” he said. “But he’ll be here.”

”Who?” she said, still searching.

”Jyn.”

She looked at Bodhi. He gave her a knowing smile.

”He’ll be here.”

She felt her cheeks warm. Was she that obvious?

She distracted herself by checking her blaster. It was unlikely she would need it, but it gave her something to do. Bodhi had to get back to work, so he left her with one more hug before leaving. Kara appeared at the door of the ship.

”Ready?”

She opened her mouth, then closed it again. She turned and sent her gaze around the hangar one more time.  _Where was he?_

”We ship out in ten,” Kara said, giving her the same look Bodhi had given her moments before. Force, was it written on her face? She bit her lip and slid her blaster into the holster on her thigh, then began a mental inventory.  _Blaster, med kit, extra socks..._ She kept glancing up, her hope waning every time her search came up empty. She sighed and stood, turning to step into the ship. She tried not to look too closely at her heart. It felt like it was in pieces.

”Jyn!”

She started and spun. Her heart had reassembled itself and jumped into her throat.

Cassian was walking as quickly as he could towards the ship. He didn’t have his cane. He was probably hurting himself. Medical would have a fit if they knew.

She hopped out the door and met him halfway. He was breathless from running. She was breathless just from seeing his face.

”I thought you wouldn’t come—“

”I came as fast as I could—“

They had spoken at the same time, and they clammed up simultaneously as well, shy smiles blooming on their lips.

”I’m sorry,” he began. “I meant to be here sooner, but I —“

”It doesn’t matter,” she said. “I’m glad you came.”

They stared at each other.

”I wanted to give you this,” he said finally, holding out his hand. Jyn held out hers, and he pressed a commlink into her palm, and gently closed her fingers around it. She held it tight.

”It’s long range,” he explained in a rush. “You’ll be able to reach Echo Base with it, if you wanted to —“ He shrugged.

He was uncomfortable, uncertain, and it made her want to laugh. Cassian the spy, thrown off his cool by offering a girl a commlink.

”I won’t be gone long,” she said. She may have been teasing him. It was a change of pace, to see him so flustered. She rather liked it.

”I know. But if you — just let me know. That you’re safe, I mean.”

Her stomach did a somersault. He wanted her to check in. He wanted to know that she was safe.

”Jyn!”

It was Kara. She stood in the doorway of the cargo ship, waving at her.

”Time to go!”

Jyn waved back, then turned back to Cassian. She opened her mouth to speak, but he cut her off by pulling her into his arms.

”Come home safe,” he murmured. His breath tickled her ear and sent shivers across her skin. She clung to him, her face buried in his chest.

”I will,” she whispered.

”Jyn! Let’s go!”

They reluctantly pulled apart. Cassian reached out, hesitated briefly, then tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear. Her eyes closed, memorizing the way his fingers felt against her cheek.

”I have to go,” she breathed. He nodded and took a step back.

”I’ll call you,” she said as she stepped away.

A slow grin appeared on his face.

”Looking forward to it.”

 

* * *

When she commed later, he picked up immediately.

”Cassian?”

The comm crackled a moment, and then his voice came through crystal clear.

”Jyn? How’d it go?”

She let go of the breath she’d been holding.

”Good. We’re loaded up and heading back to base.”

She heard him sigh. “Good. When will you be back?”

Was he waiting for her? she wondered. Did he miss her as much as she missed him? It had only been a day and a half, but she had seen his face every day since he’d first interrogated her all those months ago. 

It had felt like a lifetime.

”We should be back by dawn Hoth time.”

”Good.”

A long silence. There were a lot of those happening between them lately.

”I miss you,” she whispered under her breath, and then she realized that her comm had been on.

_Shit._

A silence, and then, quietly, he said, “I miss you, too.”

Her heart was thundering in her ears. She felt short of breath. A huge stupid smile was plastered to her face.

”I’ll see you tomorrow?” she asked.

The comm crackled, and then she heard, “I’ll be waiting.”

* * *

 

He  _was_ waiting.

He was the first thing she saw when the cargo bay door slid open. Something inside her burst open, a floodgate. She leapt from the ship and ran to him. He was grinning at her, a smile that lit his whole face. They collided, his arms going around her so tight that her feet left the ground. She heard herself laughing, a sound that she almost didn’t recognize. And then she realized that he was laughing, too.

He set her down and pulled away far enough to look into her face. She was blushing, she knew it, but she didn’t care. She’d do anything for him to look at her like he was now.

“Welcome home,” he told her.

She had believed him the last time he had spoken those words to her. But that time, he had been talking about the Rebellion.

This time, she knew, he was talking about himself.

_Welcome home._

And standing there in his arms, she knew that she was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I need to brush my teeth after writing this — so fluffy! If you happen to be reading my other rebelcaptain fic “24 Frames” youll know why I need to take breaks and come over here and write something like “Home.” Polar opposites. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. One more left for this lil story, but expect outtakes and/or one-shot sequel-ish things to follow. They will probably all end up in a small collection. See you in the next one!  
> ~Avey


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _”From the second time around, the only love I’ve ever found, it’s a long time coming. Home at last.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter of this story, please enjoy!

V.

Jyn was in love with Han Solo.

Not  _literally_ , of course. He was an ass, and she wanted to smack him upside the head as much as the next person.

No, she loved him because he caused  _drama._ Drama with Command, drama with the Princess — especially drama with the Princess. And all of that drama meant one thing:

Everyone was too concerned with an unpredictable space pirate to notice that a Captain in the Intelligence Division was engaging in a romantic relationship with a subordinate.

“Romantic” may have been an overstatement. She wasn’t entirely sure  _what_ it was. She just knew that when he looked at her, her breath came short, and that he grinned when she touched him.

She’d never felt anything like this before. It still felt new, and scary, but from the moment she had stepped off that cargo ship and ended up in his arms, she knew that she was lost. Maybe she had been this whole time. It just took a commlink to make her see it. Or hear it. It didn’t matter which.

That first day had gone by in a flash. She couldn’t seem to stop looking at him. He couldn’t seem to stop touching her. It was like they were making sure the other one was real. He had pulled her away from the hangar, into a deserted hallway, and had held her there with a look that seemed made only for her.

There had been very few moments where she had stared him in the eye for longer than a few seconds. At first, those stares had been to dare him, to make him angry, to get a rise out of him. Later they had been about comfort, to let him know that he wasn’t alone.

But then, in an empty bunker hallway, almost frozen stiff from the cold, she had met his eyes and kept them there for no other reason than to memorize the traces of gold in his dark brown eyes.

He had kissed her then, his mouth soft against hers. He was warm, warm enough to eradicate the perpetual chill that had taken root in her bones. Her fingers had curled against his neck, buried into his hair that had grown just a bit too long. His hands had settled on her hips, had pulled her to him so that he could kiss her properly — though in hindsight, she doubted that either of them knew what a proper kiss was, having both been raised on a battlefield. All she had known before this were hasty touches, rough nights in the Outer Rim, mistakes. His lips felt different, felt new, felt  _safe._ She had kissed him like he was her first kiss — how she thought it should have happened, had she not grown up in the middle of a war. Slow, steady. A kiss that said  _they had time._

It wasn’t a kiss of desperation. She had had plenty of those. “Last night on this planet” sorts of kisses, the ones you gave out when you knew you were about to die, the sort you threw away.

No, this kiss was different. And she wanted to kiss him like that until the day she died.

They had disappeared, made themselves scarce. Retreated into the depths of Echo Base to discover each other. They were shy at first, hesitant, but his hand never left hers, and through his touch she found that she could speak to him openly, without fear. They took their time, opening up slowly, letting the trust grow.

 _It goes both ways,_ she had told him what felt like so long ago.

He had known so much about her already, then. He had compiled a file on her. Knew everything, every little detail about her life that could be known.

But he hadn’t known her favorite color, or her favorite food. He hadn’t known that she took her caf with cream, or that she liked to stand outside when it was raining. These were new pieces to her puzzle, and he accepted each one as a gift.

She didn’t want to pry into his life. But he told her the small things. The simple things. Like how he had learned to play sabacc from his older brother, who had died when he was five. Or about his knack for reprogramming droids. That he had first fallen for her when he had caught her with his blaster, stolen from his bag before they had departed for Jedha.

They touched each other slowly, carefully, not taking any moment for granted. They knew better than anyone — life was fragile, short. They had to relish it. They had to  _live_ it.

There was a brief moment when tears had come to her eyes, thinking about how they had seemed to have left everyone else behind on Scarif, and there they were, beginning a life. But he had kissed her tears away. This is what they had died for, he told her. For this chance to live, to thrive.

Bodhi had found them later, asleep on each other’s shoulder. He had grinned at them, hugged Jyn, clapped a hand on Cassian’s back.

It was the closest thing she had had to a family in a long time.

Over the resulting days, she and Cassian slipped away when they could to talk, to become more familiar. Medical cleared him for duty shortly after. It was only light duty, mind you, which meant that he was doing what equated to desk work, and he was pissy about it. Apparently he was over “off duty” Cassian.

She was glad, though, that he wasn’t in the field yet. She didn’t tell him, but she had made a request to Command that she be admitted to Intelligence training. She wasn’t about to let him go back into the field without her. She wasn’t quite sure how he would take it, but it came down from Draven that she could begin courses, and she surprised him one afternoon with a new insignia for her vest.

He had stared at it, and then at her, speechless.

”I’m not letting you go out there alone,” she told him, and he had frowned.

”No. I can’t ask you to —“

”You’re not. I’m telling you.” She had stood on tiptoe and kissed him. “And you can’t change my mind.”

He hadn’t argued after that.

Which brings us to why Jyn loved Han Solo:

It was after Jyn’s surprise that they went over the deep end.

Cassian had gone to bed that night, and had woken from a nightmare. He had commed Jyn, and she had gone to him without question. He had let her into his room, sweating from the dream despite the chill, and she had crawled onto the small mattress with him, holding him until he drifted back to sleep, and she had fallen into slumber shortly after.

When they had woken the next morning, they had been shy, but the opportunity to kiss each other first thing in the morning — and to have someone’s body heat to share — made them forget any shyness. The problem arose when Jyn had to leave his room without getting caught. Cassian was her superior. They would be in deep shit if she were discovered leaving his room.

Thankfully, Han Solo had begun the day by starting a massive fight with Princess Leia, and Jyn had managed to sneak out of Cassian’s room without anyone seeing her, because everyone was crowded in Hangar One to watch the shouting match. Conveniently, these arguments became a regular occurrence, and Jyn found herself spending the night in Cassian’s room more and more often.

Upon returning to her bunk early one morning, Kara had grinned at her.

”I hope the Captain is treating you well,” she had teased. Jyn had blushed for a good hour afterward.

It was easy between them, she discovered. So many people had wanted so much from them throughout their lives, that by the time they found each other they hadn’t been sure there was much left to give. But there was. They discovered this at night, when he held her to him and kissed the nightmares away. They realized it during the day, when his back began to hurt, and she finished moving supplies into their ship for him. They moved in sync, dancing effortlessly with each other, anticipating each other’s needs as though they had been partners for years. It was natural to work with him. It felt right to be there in the copilot seat, ready to tackle the next mission.

She felt like she was home.  _He_ was home. Every glance, every touch, every soft kiss in the darkness of his room.

She was safe. She was  _loved._

She belonged.

She was really, truly, home at last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this story! I’ve turned this into a series, titled “Out of the Wilderness,” which will continue this story in one shots that range in seriousness, from more fluff like this to more... explicit material. I look forward to seeing you all in the future! Thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are always appreciated but never expected. Thanks for reading!
> 
> Find me on tumblr @kotaface for previews of future work, tiny drabbles, or just to chat!
> 
> Later!
> 
> ~Avey


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